I have sex on the brain.
Seriously.
This is ridiculous.
It’s been years, literally. Sad, but true.
I feel like I will never get any again.
Ever.
This is probably insecurity and low self-esteem talking, but that’s how it really feels right now.
Sometimes I just wonder what is wrong with me.
I feel invisible to most people.
I get told that I’m funny and smart by women that know me. I sometimes even get pretty. Again, by women.
But with men… Nothing.
Great big goose egg.
It’s like I don’t even exist.
I have guy friends. They all became friends through other (female) friends. Or through work (and those I don’t see outside of work).
I know I’m fat. But other larger women have boyfriends, husbands, lovers even!
I was talking to JC and SB yesterday, saying that I feel like I’d jump anyone who offered, these days.
But I get no offers. No contact. No notice at all.
Fat can’t be the only thing you see when you look at me, can it?
There’s got to be something else there!
Doesn’t there?
***
On a completely different note…
It’s my birthday in a week.
I turn 35.
Scary thought. I feel like I’m getting old but not getting anywhere.
Really, I need a new job before I go postal and kill someone.
That means, of course, that I have to actually look and apply.
Problem is that I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know what I’m good at.
I’m really just lazy. I’m good at that.
Also, I’m good at whining and feeling sorry for myself, it seems.
I’m not sure that this post is good for much.
Other than whining, anyway.
***
Anyway, bedtime for me. Work in the morning.
